joke letters to people

from a self-professed Lazlo fan.

Some years ago, I wrote a number of companies and celebrities ridiculous letters. I still do it every now and then.

For years, I thought what I was doing was original, and I always enjoyed hearing back from companies, especially since I usually forgot completely about the letters I wrote as soon as I mailed them.

In college, I found out about (and read!) The Lazlo Letters. To my surprise, Father Guido Sarducci (of SNL fame) had been doing the exact same thing - and doing it much, much better- long before I was even born.

In the past few years, there have been a number of people writing letters like this and collecting them to publish as book material. What really irks me about this is that (A) these books do not give Lazlo Toth any credit or mention at all, and (B) their letters are not even 1/10th as funny, biting, or relevant as Lazlo's were.

So, before I share some of my letters, I want to give Lazlo his credit, unlike the other wannabes. If you think these letters of mine are funny, do yourself a favor and check out The Lazlo Letters at your local bookstore to see how it's really done.

Which begs the question: Why publish my letters on the Internet? A friend of mine prompted me to put these up, and I figured if they'd give other people a laugh, they'd be doing more good online than in a dusty old scrapbook.

Joke letters index

To Electronic Gaming Monthly / Christian Kid 1994

To: Brother J. Johnson - Sweepstakes Scam Master 1997

To: Bill Gates 1995

To: BMG Music Club / George Durham 1997

To: Chelsea Clinton 1997

To: The Monterey Pasta Company (1) 1997

To: The Monterey Pasta Company (2) 1997

To: Snapple Beverage Corporation 1997

To: The Central Intelligence Agency 1997

To: President Bill Clinton 1997

To: Yoshinoya West, Inc. 1996

To: Designer Whey 2001

To: Governor Arnold Schwarzenegger 2004

To: Snoop Doggy Dogg 2004

To: President George W. Bush 2004

To: Nintendo of America 2007